Okay, before I get flamed for the title alone, let me just say that I do not play with dead fetuses. Now, whether that is because I would really not want to or because I just don't have access to them, well, that's neither here nor there, because I don't have access to them. That being said, and me being me, this is what happened:
One of the hostesses came back to the kitchen bitching and moaning that she wasn't "allowed" to work Saturdays, but she did anyway. When we called her on that she changed it to "supposed to". Her reasoning for this is because she has a class. She's taking biology this summer and so then she starts bitching and moaning about how hard biology is. So, naturally, I wanted to make her feel like an ass.
Rather than telling her that I was an english major (which I am), I told her that I was a genetic engineering major. I was going to go with rocket science, since that's supposedly the hardest thing you can do, but I figured that'd be too obvious a lie (I'm a terrible liar as it is), so I went for the next hardest thing I could think of, which is genetic engineering.
So, this girl is actually a fashion major, and as soon as she heard genetic engineering, her eyes got all big and scared and she asked me what they do. I have absolutely no idea what genetic engineers really DO, so I started talking out my ass about the Human Genome project and figuring out what goes wrong on a molecular level to cause autism and stuff and how to cure it (the way I described it was really cool, if half that stuff were true, I might consider actually studying it).
After telling her all that (it was really slow this afternoon, so we were all just standing around shooting the shit), she asked me what inspired me to go into that. I'm sure she was thinking that I had a close relative with autism or something equally horrible and I was doing a noble thing trying to cure them... instead, because I'm an asshole, I told her that I got into it so that I could play with dead babies.
I wish I had a picture of her face. It was fucking priceless. She told me, "I am appalled! That's horrible!" So I told her about how genetic engineers, since Obama got elected and lifted the ban on stem-cell research, now get to play with aborted babies to harvest their cells. And now she's freaking out and every single person that walks into the kitchen she's telling that I like to play with dead fetuses. The other line cook and I are in tears, we're laughing so hard (I'm not sure if he knows what my actual major is or not...), the kitchen manager comes up and this girl is screaming about how I like playing with dead babies and he gives me this really weird look before she bursts out with "that's why he's going into genetic engineering!" And my manager gives a little nod and goes, "Oh." And she's wailing about being appalled...
And that was the highlight of my week. It was awesome, but now the whole restaurant thinks I'm a genetic engineer playing with fetuses in my basement.
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